In this episode of Success 10X Podcast, we are talking about Fears that hinder your success. All of have fears and are inherent to human nature. Certain fears play a bad role towards our success.
You will specifically learn about
What is Fear?
How to Identify Your Fears?
How to Eliminate Your Fears?
Types of Fears:
Fear of Failure
Fear of Negative Feedback
Fear of Success
Fear of Missing Out
About the Expert: Avil Pinto
Avil is an HR and supply chain professional based in Dubai. And he is the founder of Dubai jobs hunt a Facebook group. He is a ‘Careerpreneur’, a Toastmaster and a storyteller. He helps individuals to unlock their true potential through life and career coaching and personal branding.
Deepak Machado 0:13
Hello and welcome to Success 10X podcast. My name is Deepak Machado. I'm a writer and a dreamer. I'm also a risk management professional and a Bitcoin enthusiast. In each episode of this podcast, we bring you an inspiring person or a topic to help you amplify your Success 10X. This podcast is dedicated to you if you are serious about your personal growth, career growth, financial growth and business growth. I hope this podcast will create a spark and ignite your desires to achieve higher success. Thank you for spending time with us today and let the journey to success 10X begin.
Dale Carnegie says: "Inaction breeds fear. inaction breeds doubt. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy."
In the previous episodes, we spoke about goal setting, purpose and priorities. And in this episode of Success 10X podcast we will be talking about identifying your fears and eliminating them. We will also talk about what are the barriers for your success that are stopping you to achieve your success.
And to speak about this. I have with me, my dear friend, Avil Pinto I will is an accomplished personality, If you see. Avil, how're you doing today?
Avil Pinto 1:50
Fantastic Deepak. Good morning, such a beautiful morning and good afternoon, good evening to people around the world who are listening to the podcast. Thank you for hosting, initiating Success10X and more excited to talk about today's topic.
Deepak Machado 2:08
So fear, we were speaking earlier that a lot of people a lot of fears. We previously spoke about purpose, goal setting, you know setting priority. Now, when it comes to the next level, I'm still not able to achieve success. And we said fear could be the reason. Why it is the reason? Why fear is the reason for not achieving success?
Avil Pinto 2:35
Brilliant, the book I take, have a coach. And she established a group called fear to freedom. And we both together did a workshop in February, and she resides in Canada and choose your for a month in Dubai. And we did this workshop and I realized that the difference between your your purpose or a train, okay, and where you are. And to get there. The gap is the inaction as Dale Carnegie says, and the inaction is nothing but the fear that holds you not to take that action. And in our life, predominantly there are seven to eight top fears which are identified, which generally stops people in taking that action. So they achieve. So to achieve what they want to achieve. And in my life, I'll give you example. My purpose is to touch billions of lives, through stories through personal branding through life and career coaching, through sharing my wisdom, knowledge, courage through various videos and social media platform. That's my end purpose. Why do I want to make a difference purely to make people's lives better, bring that bring happiness and smile on their faces. This is a purpose for that I had goals. Okay. In this month, I will do four videos, I would do two stories for videos on Dubai jobs and group so that that is specifically for job seekers to stories, larger perspective model stories on my game changer page on Facebook. And this is my monthly goal. Now on a daily basis, what do I do to make that happen? So on a daily basis, I have to dedicate some time to build a content to read relevant content so that I can execute those things. So all the things are going well. I'm reading books, I'm watching other videos so that things are I have enough and more content to talk. But where is it getting stopped? Why I'm not executing consistently. Somebody asked how will you had done 30 stories is so amazing stories, I'm looking forward for most stories. And now after doing 30 stories, obviously, my ability to present as obviously has developed or enhanced, but now things are, I have developed another fear within me, which I didn't know, until I recognize that. So there are, initially when I started doing my first video, the fear of rejection, fear of what other people would talk about fear of judgment, fear of uncertainty, fear, there are so many fears that were holding. But the only thing I did the book, he said, Just do it. If people have to talk, they will talk anyways, I cannot do anything about it. But the thing was, my end purpose was so strong that my wife was so strong that I didn't give attention to these criticisms. I mean, I had so many videos where people saying that if you know, faulty videos, or you're not talking well, things like that. But initially, it would, it would kind of make me feel, okay, my efforts are not, you know, giving that wow factor. But again, when I look back, if I didn't have those critiques, I didn't, I don't think I would have reflected on myself and got better. So take taking that also from a positive angle helped me deal with that fear. So there are a lot of fears which have been facing on a daily basis. But you just have to do it. The only thing that we have to do is action. And you started very well. With the quote from Dale Carnegie inaction is the only thing that builds fear and doubt in people's mind. And for a long period of time, I was not in the action. And when I got into action, there was a momentum. And things just happen. And things are happening. Yeah.
Deepak Machado 7:10
So you said about, you know, criticism. Most of the people when they face criticism they give up. But I feel if you are not criticized for something, if you are not talked down for something, you're not doing the right thing. This is what I believe because I don't know by nature, humans are no prone to tell or look down upon others. Because maybe they have to explain something better. But you are going towards that level, you may be passing that level. Also spoke about how you recognized your fear, how to recognize fear, maybe maybe people don't know what the problem is with them. Most of them. They have the goals, they have the purpose, they have priority, but still they don't know that they're afraid of something? How do you recognize that you have fear within you? Do you need to speak to somebody? Is it a self reflection? Or should somebody tell you that you're afraid of something? How did you find out for example, that you were, you know, afraid of certain things when you started doing your videos? Or when you did 30 videos, you said? How did you recognize that you had this inside you?
Avil Pinto 8:27
Thank you made you think about it? Yeah, they put thank you for asking this actually, it's very important to some time in life to have a mentor or a coach, wherein you talk about these things that I want to do. And then the next question would be asked is, so what's stopping you? And then it's a question that will help you ponder upon what is stopping me. Okay, then you would say that, you know, I'm hesitant to talk on social media. Why hesitation? Hesitation is it's not about I don't know to speak, I know to speak, but maybe my content may not be relevant. Maybe people might, you know, judge me, and, and you're automatically sharing your thoughts. One question that was raised by my mentor or coach, for example, what stops you? Okay? So you want to do but what stops you? Right? And even for the fact, at work in our career, we are living with so much fear. We, we have so many creative ideas. We are not sharing in a forum or in a meeting, thinking that your idea would be rejected. And I hope I was have been that biggest victim of of that because when we were children and we our community in where we raised, we were told by elders that when elders are speaking, don't open your mouth. This always became a norm in me. It built a kind of a fear that when others are speaking, we have to keep our mouth shut. And I never realized that this was obstructing in the growth towards what I wanted to achieve. And until and unless I didn't recognize this, I couldn't work on it. So coaching did help mentoring did help me. And it's very important to share these things, why you're not talking? Why you're not doing what you want to do? And some people say it's procrastination, laziness. I don't know to do. These are all excuses. And where are these excuses coming from? The inherent thought laziness? Let's just understand lazy, I am lazy, like, I want to do I want to grow. But can I say I am lazy? No, we are behind that. The deep within that laziness is also causing from that thing, which is called fear, procrastination, I will do tomorrow, I will do 10 day after tomorrow, I'm not ready yet. Where is the deep thought coming from fear. So to recognize the fear, have someone who you might look up to, or find a mentor or a coach who could guide you in uprooting those fears, and getting that momentum. And this is how my life has changed.
Deepak Machado 11:59
Okay. So let's start from the beginning. Before, let's say two years back, or three years back, when you look at yourself, what kind of fears did you have? When I look at myself, let's say 10 years back at this biggest fear that people will judge me, if I talk something, yes, in an open forum. So what I started doing was putting myself in those uncomfortable situations. Let's say if I go for a seminar, I mean, nowadays, it's online, but in person seminars, when I was young, or during college days, I was very scared about in asking questions to the speaker. What would others feel about me? Maybe they'll judge me? Maybe they'll you know, maybe they'll not be my friends after I asked these questions, you know, all this kind of unnecessary fears used to come into my head. But then one day, I decided...chuck it... I don't give up, you know, I don't care about what others think. Let me ask what I feel, you know, what I need answers for, put myself in those situations of asking questions to or spoke. So I'm giving an example of this. So like, there are many things like I was shy of, or I was used to be shy of talking in public. But then I think I realized it is not the shyness. It's the fear. Yeah, fear of speaking, speaking in front of people, that is where it is. So when you look at your life, let's say three years back, where Avil was and where our will has come. What was the initial fears you had?
Avil Pinto 13:30
Right? Oh my god, the fog when you speak, you are sounding so much about me. Even I had the same fears of even asking questions in front of people. There is so many fears that I was living with which I which I was not aware. First was fear of judgment, what others would say or judge about me, because I think upbringing makes a huge, huge difference, okay. And imagine the community that will be surrounded or your immediate circle of influence, they would look at somebody and make fun. And because of that, there is an inherent thought in us that whatever we do, we have to do it in a certain way otherwise others other people would either laugh or they might comment. And this was one of the things which was always carried in me so I was doing certain things just to please others or just to make sure that everything is in order, so I would not get judged. So that was anyways, not in the best way to do like that would really keep me happy. Okay, so that was one of the things second, like I said, fear of uncertainity right. What if this will go wrong? Instead of asking what if this will go right. Now I'm taking action anyways. Okay, there are two possibilities. One is failure one is okay success. Now, most of us, including me, that before I could take any action, I was thinking the negative What if things will not go the way I want? Now, if I start my first step thinking negative, then obviously the end result will be negative. So, that was a fear, fear of what if, what if things go bad? Okay, fear of negativity, then there was fear of failure, fear of rejection. Now, like I gave an example earlier in board meetings, or in our team meetings, I had ideas to talk about or things to speak up, but I would not, they could be till my neck, but then I would stop. Right? What, what if they laugh, but they notice that what do you regret that I regret? I do regret because somebody else proposed the idea which I was, which is, which is cooking in my head, and then that was appreciated, I'm like, Oh my god, I should have shared it, you know, and then what I did, so, this these are the fears which were dominantly holding or became a barrier or it was like, driving the car with handbrake on, I would always say these are like the handbrakes which is stopping your momentum. How did I deal with it was the most important part. Now recognizing is the first part then dealing with it, of you know, you have been living with this. So the dealing or overcoming that was the bigger challenge. Now, I was tuned in a certain way. Right. And I was conditioned in a certain way to think now that is called a mindset. So you cannot change your mindset, immediately. It takes a it takes some time. Okay. So the best thing that happened was, my coach told me I will, whenever you want to speak up. And if you're not speaking up, put a rubber band around your hand, okay, a rubber band. And whenever you think that you're not speaking up, pull it, let it pain, pull it let it pain. Oh, my God, the power. I'll tell you that pain, when you are pulling that rubber band hand pains that made me realize that I had to speak up. And I spoke and I started speaking, I didn't keep quiet, whether somebody would laugh, or doesn't matter what they would say, just speak up, speak from my heart speak what I want to speak, things started changing my colleagues at work, I will you are not like this before, what has changed. That was the difference from who I was to what I became.
When it comes to doing videos. I still have fear of judgment, I still have fear of criticism, but I just have to do it. People will keep saying people will keep talking. I mean the best of the best people, they still get criticized. No such internal curve. People say God of cricket, Master bluster, there are some set of people who really adore him. Some sort of people say, Man, he is very selfish. He only played for records he only played for money. So now there is some set of people who are good or talking for him. Some are talking against him. Then I realized this judgment happens with everyone because everybody has a different way of looking at things. So why should I bother? You look at film stars. For example, Shahrukh Khan, there are some diehard fans. If he's not, well, they'll go hunger strike, or they will not eat those people. But there are people who don't even like his face, and what do I do? What do we do? So it is all about understanding that even a celebrity even someone who is done extraordinary things they are, they're spoken, they're criticized. So it's okay. And, and if they go through that, and yet, every morning they wake up and do what they want to do. That is the beauty of living life is waking up every morning and doing what you want to do. And that's how you keep killing a fear. And that was that is how I have been facing my fear of judgment of fear of criticism, or even for that fact fear of failure. Because one of the things that helped me is I started watching a lot of success stories of people connect the dots is one of the books that I started reading where it's a book of all the business entrepreneurs. Who, who started with being a nobody, you know, there's somebody, they had nothing in their life. And even even for the fact the first story that I read was a not recollecting the name of the gentleman, but is a chain of those Plaza restaurants, the sub Plaza, how this boy from, from Tamil Nadu and, and enters the streets of Mumbai with nothing in his hand and how he goes on to establish chain of restaurants. Now, he also had fears and how we made it happen. The failure stories are actually inspiring me that if he without having any formal background education, yet, has been able to do something that is commendable. And that means he really wanted that burning desire that hunger to do something was so so much there, that they didn't bother about what was happening around. And that is the thought you should condition and and then I think this fuse can be dealt with that. And again, I would say when I didn't take action. The empty mind is devil's workshop, they say and it is so true. Yeah, this devil is nothing but these fears. If you have not done for so long, it's okay. Let me do more time. Let me rehearse more. Let me practice more. So this devil will keep annoying or keep putting in a different state of mind. So this is nothing but another fear.
Deepak Machado 21:56
Since we're talking about success on this podcast, yeah, one of the biggest fears that I think most people have is a fear of success itself. People think what what if I'm successful, and then people reject me? Where did this man where'd How do you even identify this because I spoke to a few of my friends....very successful, they have room to grow, but def now there is a fear now....of them. If they attempt maybe to go to the next level, maybe if they lose everything. So people do have fear of success. How To overcome this? How To overcome this fear of success? And what according to you are the steps we can take to know what come the fear of success itself.
Avil Pinto 22:50
The victim of fear of success is actually. Deepak so everything that you're saying that you know it's waking with love or smile. Six months back, I was having the conversation with my coach and and i actually stopped doing certain things on Game Changer page, I did 30 amazing motivational stories. And then I stopped and I stopped doing videos on Dubai Jobs Hunt and I stopped actually even also doing meetups these to conduct you know alternate week meetups on the BI jobs and for jobseekers to help them guide them on various topics from CV writing to how to prepare for interviews, what are the do's and don'ts for job search in the UAE. Now, these are great these are done consistently over 65 meet ups and suddenly there was something that was stopping in me because the feeling of overwhelming feeling of overwhelming which is nothing but a lot of people started reaching out I started reaching receiving more CVs and I was like with all my other things on plate this is a lot to deal with is not to get back in this is something which made me realize that Okay, now, let me give some time. Let me give some you know, let let it let me let take it slowly I may not be able to handle all of it. Okay. And this thought of I may not be handle all of that was the fear of success. It is not the negative thing it is actually successes knocking your door, but then you are saying that I will not be able to handle it. What a foolish thought of mine. Instead of me finding more resources to delegate and do things. I just felt that I cannot handle it. And because of that, I actually slow down my own momentum. And that is something I would mention it for, for what you've asked, and how did I deal with it? Was this I recognized it, once again, recognizing your fears, or what is stopping you what is limiting you is the first step actually towards mastery. Unless and until you don't know where you're going wrong, or what you're doing, right, or what you're not doing right, then you're not mastering on it. So for me that that strong foundation is knowing yourself more in depth is much better than not knowing. So I identified it, and then how did I deal with it is by doing more of what I was doing, what worst can happen, or what best can happen. So these two scenarios I always ask nowadays, okay, if I do this, what is the best thing that can happen? What are the worst can happen? And the worst? What is worst? Okay, people laugh? Okay. What is the worst can happen? Oh, I might, the time that I've invested might go waste. Okay, what worse can happen? And you think of what worse can happen? Then you will not find any more answers. Or best can happen. Oh, wow, my stories will be heard by more people, they might get more inspired, what best can happen. They will reach out to me, they'll ask for help, what best can happen? My purpose of making a difference to more people will happen. My Videos would be shared among communities, so that it will reach my voice, we'll reach to more people the best, the only thing that can happen is the best. But between the best and the worst, who stands is our own self, which is our thinking our thought process. And that has to be changed. And that can be change only when you ask yourself introspect. This biggest The devil is the self talk. Okay, I have not done it. If I'm doing it for the first time. Could I be able to do it? Right? Okay. And that self talk will never allow you to do it. If so, I would say kill that self talk. Just do it. And, and always look at the look at Nike, they have a very nice tagline Just do it. It works so well.
Deepak Machado 27:50
Thank you actually, for sharing your personal experience your personal life, a lot of events, not many people know about you you're sharing. Thank you for that. And thank you for being such a nice person and sharing those thoughts and wisdom that you have gained with all of us.
And I would like to remind the listeners that in the initial episodes of Success 10X Podcast, we are covering or we are laying the foundation for the future episodes. We want to build a strong base over here so that we can have different kinds of topics. So these are all foundational topics that we are covering like goal setting, purpose, priorities, fears, some few more to come in the series. And thank you for being with us today. Avil do you have any parting words?
Avil Pinto 28:40
Yes, the book. It's been phenomenal recording podcast with you. It's more of introspection and relating my life and sharing how I can help the community out there. And to all the listeners. This is leading self as a self mastery. And this is what I've coined from my experience and recovered purpose. Goal setting, priorities and if my purpose goals and priorities, I know it very well. If I'm not able to action it if I'm not doing it, then it is that four letter word, FEAR. Okay, face everything and run or face everything and rise. Fear kills more dreams than fear itself. So don't let fears to overtake you. You or take the fears.
Deepak Machado 29:43
Thank you Avil. Thank you for that. To you who are listening, our intention is to help you and inspire you to achieve higher success. Join us on this journey to success and a Success 10X. Please subscribe to our podcast on Apple podcasts and Google podcast. Also I would appreciate if you rated as five stars on Apple podcast. This helps a lot with spreading of the word, spreading of knowledge and will help reach others in your similar situation and will also help us grow.
I leave you with this thought from Nelson Mandela: "The brave man is not the one who does not feel afraid. But he conquers that fear. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid. But he who conquers the future"
May you be well. May you be happy and may find success. Thank you so much for spending the time with us today.
Avil Pinto 30:47
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