What is Emotional Intelligence and How to Use Emotional Intelligence to Your Advantage!

Deepak Machado 0:14

Hello and welcome to Success 10X Podcast. My name is Deepak Machado. I'm a dreamer and a writer. I'm also a risk management professional, and a Bitcoin enthusiast. In each episode of this podcast, we bring you an inspiring person or a topic to help you amplify your success 10X. This podcast is dedicated to you if you are serious about your career growth, personal growth, financial growth and business growth. I hope this podcast will create a spark and ignite your desires to achieve higher success. Thank you for spending time with us today. And let the journey to success panics begin.

Plato, a great philosopher said this: All learning has an emotional pace.

And in today's episode of Success 10X podcast, we will be talking about emotional intelligence. And to discuss this, we have my friend Avil Pinto. Let us listen in this podcast about what our will has to say about emotional intelligence. Avil very good morning to you.

Good morning. Thank you Deepak. It's a wonderful day and we are recording another episode. And that too on a topic which is more vital in today's circumstances or, you know, a situation that we are going through?

Avil, why do people call you a game changer?

That's such a that's a great question. I think over a period of time, the people that have been counseling or mentoring, they've seen results, change or somewhere, they landed in terms of what they wanted to, and particularly in terms of the job search career. And what happened during the process was who were they, what changed what they did to get to that from point A to point B was the game changing for them, literally game changing. And that is why some of my closest friends, they said man, you changing the game of people. And that sort of the name evolved to be a game changer. Okay, it was not coined by me but rather it was a name given by others so so and and now, they love to call me as game changer. And while they address on WhatsApp, also they say I will the GC

Thank you for that. Thank you for sharing your insight. Now today's topic is I believe is a heavy one. I would many people, including me, don't understand what is emotional intelligence. I was speaking to you earlier and I said that I was thinking that emotional intelligence or emotions are related to being angry. Or, you know, being sad, mostly. When something comes up on TV or a movie.....it's a sad movie, we say it's a very emotional movie. Yeah. But there is more to the story, isn't there?

Absolutely. Absolutely. It just not in the current but from the past. From probably ancestors also, there's there's a lot that we carry in our life.

So, why why is emotional intelligence important to success... as seen nowadays, a lot of companies, a lot of big achievers or gurus or coaches you call them they give a lot of importance to something called emotional quotient or emotional intelligence. Yeah. Why there is such a big talk about this these days have been living on this earth for several centuries. So why this talk at this point of time? And why is it why emotional intelligence is important for our success?

Yes, absolutely. Bang on Thank you for asking Deepak. Emotional intelligence is more important than intelligent quotient. Okay, so EQ is more important than IQ. Why so? We are humans and humans are related or they interact with the pure form of emotion. Since the emotions are interpreted or I would say that translates into our thinking and our behavior. So, our thinking and behavior pattern is a direct correlation with our emotions. Now, what is emotional intelligence emotional intelligence is the ability of oneself to interpret to recognize and process the emotions in self and in others. And this is why emotional intelligence super important. Now, there are various factors that makes us emotional beings, humans are emotional beings. Now, when there is negative emotions, you will attract or you tend to have the negative thinking patterns and negative behaviors. And because of this, you will affect not only yourself, but the people around you. And I have known many people getting fired from work or in their jobs, because of negative emotions. And this is why emotional intelligence plays a very important role today, organizations before hiring an employee, they would look at their behavioral patterns. So, there is behavioral interview questions which are raised or asked or they have the psychometric test which is done to understand how strong is the person to deal with certain different emotions at workplace, how we can deal with stress how we can deal with pressure, how we can deal with the office environment. And this is why emotional intelligence for me plays a very important role. Yeah.

yeah, so, you said there's a lot of importance, can you explain briefly what emotional quotient is when you talked about IQ? I know what is that IQ is your intelligence on the top of your mind? So, EQ is your emotional quotient. Yes. As you already said companies nowadays, you know, give a lot of importance to people who are well grounded, people who can know be empathetic towards their colleagues and that level of empathy, how they behave in a in a team in a team setting. So what is emotional quotient? And where do we apply this in our life or in our careers?

Avil Pinto 7:44

Right? Okay, I'll give you some examples of emotions. So that that could help the positive versus the negative anger is an emotion fear is an emotion that are more emotions which is joy is an emotion okay. And attraction is an emotion enthusiasm is an as an emotion versus there are certain feelings okay. Feeling is being happy is a feeling worry worrying about the future okay worry is a feeling. Contentment I'm content is a feeling, again bitterness okay is a feeling and love is a feeling what is important to understand when we talk about emotional quotient is it is your accumulated accumulated or over a period of time with experience situations circumstances which could be genetic which could be your upbringing, which could be through your environment, okay. Both conscious and subconscious, conscious and unconscious, which processes and then it translates into emotions. Okay. Why it is important to understand emotional quotient how intelligent are you to be aware that how do you react to certain situations? Now I know people who are great fans of cricket Okay, now this since IPL season is going on. I would relate to IPL let's say. Now I know a friend of mine who loves RCB okay Royal Challengers Bangalore. Now he's a diehard fan of them. He wears their you know, what is it? Clothes says well, jerseys jerseys and, and he's all over promoting the team. But imagine when the team loses, how he interprets his emotions, he gets sad, he feels he would not talk to anyone. He would not enjoy that moment. Okay, forget enjoying the moment, he gets angry. More than sad, he gets angry be how that team can lose why they didn't play? Well, they could have used this strategy, they could have done this. Now, there is a stimuli, and there is a response between the two things, and how we choose to react to it. Is the emotion that he is actually translating. And is this good? No. Now he's portraying a very poor emotional intelligence, very poor into emotional intelligence. And that's why it's important to understand what triggers you to be or to react in such a way. And for that, you One has to be self aware. One has to be self aware, being mindful about what are the things that affect you your thought process, and how then it translates into certain behaviors. And in order to do that, there are certain techniques that you could do first is asking a few questions on you that what are the emotions that you're really strong at? Imagine you have somebody since we are living in Corona right now with COVID. And there are many cases around people also, you know, losing their lives. Imagine you're living in a building. And you happen to hear that your neighbor, was that tested positive, and he passed away? How would you feel? What will happen to you? And by the way, this happened, this is a true thing that happened as we speak. And since this is the example that I could take on, and that's why I would I would want to share here is, is how do you choose to respond to this situation? What you could do, how do you feel? What is your emotion? Do you feel scared? Do you feel fearful? And this is something, you have a choice, you have a choice? Okay, you can deal with it.

Now, this is emotional intelligence, I hope Deepak I'm able to connect to, to why emotional intelligence is the emotional quotient has to be so strong nowadays. And there are many examples. I will give you another example, which happened. One of the, you know, one of my friend was, who connected through Facebook, and then she was a job seeker in the UAE. And she wanted help, that she wanted to get a better job. And when I spoke to her, when I understood her way of speaking, there were certain language patterns she was using that she had a phobia. And what was this phobia about when I went to when deeper asking few questions. He said, I want a job but I don't want to be working around men. I don't want to be working around men.. now where this where this thought is coming from. Because she was afraid. She was scared of working around men. Why? Because of certain past experience in other workplace. Now this baggage that she's holding, and she's stopping herself, okay, not to get into an environment again, where she has to face men. This is that emotional baggage which is carrying. So I asked her Do you have you driven a car? She said no. But do you know to cycle okay. When you riding cycle, have you ever, you know, fallen? fallen down? How many times multiple times? Okay, because you fell off the cycle. Did you stop cycling? said no. So every situation or circumstance happens to teach us a lesson to make us more stronger and then she That thought shifted her. And I also give sometimes examples of, if you ever have met with an accident, that was, that could, that accident wouldn't have been enough, it could have been remade as a nightmare for you, whenever you think of that would get, you know, glitters that might make your muscle go numb sometimes. And I've had circumstances where I was threw off the cycle, I flew like a butterfly and fell off on the ground, and I had it on my head. And whenever I think of that, I don't feel good. But this was something which an emotion which I carried always in my life, when I think of that, I am not feeling good about it. And this is the emotion that I'm carrying with my past experience. And this is something which each of us have a lot over a period of time which has to be uprooted, which has to be uprooted. And like in the earlier episode, we spoke about beliefs, we spoke about fears, okay, there's a lot of correlation is a lot of correlation. And, and this also has to be stemmed out totally from the roots, otherwise, you will always go back in certain circumstances, when it is to deal with your boss, with your spouse with your children, you will once again be reminded of these things, so it is good to address it permanently. And there are different techniques that are that are available. So I mean, for me, being emotionally strong is super important default.

Deepak Machado 16:49

Yeah, Thank you also for you know, giving examples and making us understand like getting most of the people even I was thinking that emotion is something you express when you're sad. but over the time I've realized that you know fear or anger is also very strong emotions that I know many people have. And most of it is I think to do with your past or the baggage that you carry from childhood or your environment and many other you know aspects that in your life.

Why does it stay in your mind isn't my question at all okay, if something happened in my childhood, why does it stay Is it because of the repeated repetition that has happened over time in my childhood? Why does it or can we eliminate it I know it is possible, but can you give some examples of how to not really technique but examples or how to get rid of this you know negative emotion especially positive emotions as we need to carry on, but for me, it is very important to get rid of these negative emotions you know, some things are in our minds maybe they then they become our preconceived notions a similar situation comes we think about okay Wow, this happened to me in the past I will not go there. So, this person, this manager and all my past was bad to me. So, all men are bad examples like you gave Yes. So, is there a way to eliminate or simple tools maybe to get rid of this negative emotions and to lead a successful life, career, personal life, business life? Is there a way Is there a simpler way?

Avil Pinto 18:44

See the emotions it by the way? It's a brilliant question, Deepak thanks for asking because we all go through this emotional imbalance or emotional challenges and this is how we determine or what we are meant to be as humans, like I said earlier what you mentioned is erasing or taking out those emotions. So in life, we have good memories and bad memories. Okay, how do we interpret as good and bad that that is how it depends, but those memories If ever you could erase, okay and there is there are techniques that are available there are tools which which is a guided process, which takes some time and there are people who could do it. I have an amazing friend of mine who is a coach, his name is coach Arjun Iyer and he is one person where I see or I have seen in front of my eyes when we conducted a workshop on emotional intelligence. He called upon a gentleman who had memories of bad relationship of the past which was holding him, which was holding him and how he dealt, and made that person come out of that, that bad memory. So, the bad memories and, and the good memories, and this is where we create those emotions in our life, we go back to that memory and that memory triggers us to think in certain way, or to have that emotion. I have a friend of mine, who always says that he is impatient, he has to work on his anger management, he gets angry because of certain things. Now, when certain things are not done in a way, he gets angry, and where is it coming from because of the past, the conditioning, the upbringing, so many factors that have influenced, but I told him once, Look, my friend, these are the things are carrying from a lot from the past, you have to remove that you have to go back, you have to remove all that baggage is until and unless you don't do it, it becomes difficult for you to just say that, okay, you will smile when you get angry, or you will take a deep breath. These are things you can do. Like if you ask me how you could work on simple tools, when you know that there are certain thought or certain things which are affecting you. Like your spouse may say something which you don't like, and, and you get angry, okay, now you know that that thing is getting you angry? Now you have an option? Do you want to get angry? By getting angry? What is the result that you're creating? How much is energy that you will lose? Right? So it's important to pause, take a breath and think is it worth getting angry. And this is something which I've been practicing, okay. Now the tool that is available right now, is is universal today. There are many people who are practicing, which is a fantastic tool called meditation. Meditation works wonders, it really is working wonders it is healing people through from various diseases as well. And it is proven, I am attending, you know, meditation of Buddha CEO, which is so brilliant. There are 600 to 700 people logging in every morning, right 430 the UAE time six o'clock India time they start and there are testimonials. There are people from us joining people from all over the world joining and great leaders. So what I feel is when they talk about how meditation has helped them to deal with certain emotions, which is which I think is a tool which which is available for all of us simple tool basically. And so I think these are the these are the things which I check in.

Deepak Machado 23:02

I think if somebody wants to go deeper, they have to maybe contact a specialist who Yes, the healer or no psychiatrist is to get into where and which area of your life and is affected. Yeah. And my another question was, how do I know that I'm emotionally intelligent? Is there a way to know or somebody will tell me? Should my manager Tell me or should I have, you know, introspection? on whether I'm emotionally intelligent? And add to that add to that one more question is his ego and emotion, is ego an emotion?

Avil Pinto 23:47

There's positive ego and then there's a negative ego. So now which ego...so negative ego obviously is an emotion, okay, that negative of what it can do, what consequences it can, you know, bring in which is, which has to be, which one should be aware. Now, the first question that you asked is, okay, how will I know whether I'm emotionally intelligent or know? When at work, it's important to have pure feedback, okay, asking feedback from your colleagues, bosses. And probably that would help you understand because they observe you they know you, how do you react to certain situations, and based on that, they can give that feedback. Second, important thing that you can ask is I have these three questions which I could I could help with. First is what are my emotional strengths and what are my weaknesses? Okay. Then second question would be how does my current mode affect my thoughts and decision making? Okay, how does my current mode affect my thoughts and decision making? What's going on? under the surface that influence what others say or do, what's going on under the surface that influence what others say or do emotions. It's, it's not only about self, but somebody else when they talk to you or when they react in certain way it affects so it's a two way process right? To get angry, you cannot just get angry to yourself there should be a situation that has happened which which triggers that anger, right. And, and if if you are allowing yourself to be triggered by certain situation, then you have a choice, you have a choice, how do you choose to respond? And there's a in the book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People Stephen Covey, the first habit which is be proactive, he's emphasize emphasized on certain emphasized on circle of control, circle of control, there are two things there are two circles. One is circle of influence. And then there's another one is called circle of concern, circle of insole influence and circle of concern. Now, what is circle of concern, a circle where, predominantly where we, we tend to put a lot of our energy and time efforts in thinking which is not in our control. Okay. Now, for example, I am in the UAE, and my family is back home. Okay, my parents and and, you know, siblings know, something is happening back home. Okay? Do I have any control over here? But I'm worried, I'm feeling anxious, I'm feeling I have so many feelings that which I'm developing myself and my focus is over there. And I'm developing that is it worth. Government came up with a new rule back there, and I'm talking about it I'm you know, reading that news and talking to my friends and getting irritated. I'm not happy about about that, that new you know, initiative. Now, these are the things which are not in my control, government is not in my control.

The weather is not in my control. But what other what would others tell about me or talk about me, it's not in my control. Now, imagine how much of the time is spent and this is circle of concern, is it worth it? So, he Stephen Covey clearly signifies what is where you should ideally focus which is called a circle of influence. Circle of influence talks about things that are under your control, okay, things that are under your control, what are things that are under your control, how I can behave in a certain given situation, how I can control my moods, okay, what I should be doing right now, which will help me be more empowered, more be self aware. Now, which is under control, learning something new, which is under under my control, working on my health and wellness is under my control, then looking at things which are not under my control, no emotions, I feel are triggered because you are focusing on things which are not under your control. And because of this, you tend to you know, over react so I was watching the one of the videos of Gaur Gopal Das Prabhu, okay, he's a monk. And, and there was a question raised by one of his followers in a, you know, social seminar, social gathering. And he gave an example which, which is always been stuck in my head, and I always talk about this to others, and it might help many people today while they're listening, For every situation, there is a stimuli and there is a response. Okay. There's a stimulus and a response. Now, how would one choose to respond? How would one choose us to respond to it? Now, this is a reactive language or proxy language, the reactive languages you get angry you show your emotions, proactive language is, you tend to know yourself and then accordingly you react. Okay? Or economically you choose to respond to the situation. So here comes an example, if somebody is shouting at you, somebody's shouting at you, you get reactive. Why are you shouting? And you also start debating or arguing or getting angry. Now that is like a soda can somebody shakes you. And when soda can is shaken, what happens? It explodes. Whereas, look at some people that are cool, calm, nothing is affecting them, nothing is worrying them or bothering them. They are so cool. People call them cool, man. And how does it happen? It's like a water bottle, you shake you shake you shake, the water still remains still. It doesn't explode. The question is, in every circumstance or situation that you're dealing in life, how do you choose to be? Are you reactive like the soda can? Or do you remain like the water bottle? And in, in our life, every day is a battle. Every day is a challenge, every day you face certain, you know, challenges in terms of it could be unexpected things. It could be never planned. But all of it, how do you choose to deal with and depending on how you choose to deal with you exhibit your emotions. And this is for me is by far or in the simplest way that I could put it up.

Deepak Machado 31:47

Thank you. Thank you for sharing a lot of anecdotes. One thing I've experienced, personally with me when you said about you know, expressing your emotions, especially when driving. Yeah, so observe yourself. The traffic lights, especially the traffic light goes green. You just honk. I've seen many people don't...even have done it. I mean, this milliseconds, it takes for you to react. So but yes, it remains there in your mind. No, why are you so reactive?

Avil Pinto 32:18

Yes.

Deepak Machado 32:20

The light just turned green. Give the guy some time. I've seen a lot of people including me doing this. The moment it comes to green we just try to honk. And you know, let people know that okay. But yeah, thank you for sharing. This has been an epic episode. Because for me also, this is very important. Because I've struggled with this, myself personally. Having a lot of negative emotions, expressing negative emotions, on my family, friends, and you know, affecting myself as well affecting them. Yeah. And to get to the crux of the matter, do you have any book recommendations that people can read and maybe understand more the definition of EQ, emotional intelligence, all this stuff, you have any book, that you read, or you can recommend,

Avil Pinto 33:11

I have referred to one book, which is by emotional, it's called Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman. Okay. That's one book that I could think of. But nowadays, when you, if you make Google your friend, there's a lot of information that is available, there are a lot of videos on YouTube about emotional intelligence, and how how you could be treated as that you are emotionally strong or weak. Why emotional intelligence is important for your career success. There are many things that you could find and you could, you know, refer to right and my personal suggestion is it's super important to know your own self Okay, what are the things affect you how do you choose to respond to it or react to it unless and until if you're not self aware, then you will continuously have this emotional encounters negative emotional encounters, which will keep affecting you all the time. Okay, and every situation in probably whether it is be professional, or you know, personal relationships, everywhere, you will have challenges so it's better to be self aware. And then learn how to tackle each of the situation. I have done it myself. I was really short tempered person, I would get anger they say right anger under the nose. So I was that kind of an individual. So some people said I will you have anger from your grandfather, your grandfather also at same. And, and, but I had to consciously work on it. Because I asked myself carrying this anger Would it help me in any way It was only spoiling things around and spoiling relationships. Now, would it worth it? Would it be worth and I became conscious. And then every time if something affected me, I knew how to control it. Okay, because we are as humans we are trained to, to change things, we are trained to adapt new behaviors, new thinking patterns. Okay, there is in NLP, there's something called neuroplasticity, we are wired in certain way, but we can change the wiring of our conditioning. So we can do that. Yeah, yeah.

Deepak Machado 35:39

When you said about anger, yes, I will also have the same you know, people should know your grandfather, you know, used to be angry. So you have got that genes knew. But yeah, I have completely reduced that that part of me. Maybe I've reduced it 90%, that 10% still remaining. And one thing that helped me, amazingly, was meditation, this, this tool can transform your life. My wife is a meditator. She is she practices, a lot of many, meditation teaches others also, I've learned from her I've learned from others. Meditation can help you become emotionally balanced. This is what I have to say. And Avil just to conclude, I would like to ask you another question, which is not related to emotional intelligence, right. Now, out of all the things that you do, what makes you most excited?

Avil Pinto 36:37

People ask me this question. Most often. If I'm sitting with a job seeker, and let's say is, is failed, over a period of time, when I say fail, it means that is giving interviews is getting calls, he or she and he's not getting a break, or is not getting that job. And that one, our conversation that changes, or helps him identify where he was, or she was making going wrong, and how things then get corrected, and, you know, landing in that job, that excites me the most, that excites me the most, because I see that my experience or knowledge, helping someone land into a better career with a job. And, and this excites me the book, there are many more things that excites me. But this is one of the things. Also also one of the things that excite me the most also is when I narrate stories to my children. That is the most amazing feeling. The reason because children remember, they get, they get molded with stories. And this is why it's important to take the time out and share. And my in my life, the biggest challenge is taking the time out. Okay. And when I do that, when I share it, it excites me.

Deepak Machado 38:09

Thank you for that. I just like to remind our listeners, that these are our, what we call foundational episodes, and we have termed them as a lead series; lead by self, lead by brand and lead by career. So these initial episodes of this podcast, like goal setting, purpose today we discuss about emotional intelligence. This will form the base for our future episodes, where we'll have guests and you know on this podcast to discuss these kind of topics, much in detail.

And thank you for your time today listening to us, I am sure you are as excited as me to learn and to grow.

Our intention with this podcast is to help you and inspire you to achieve higher success. Join us on this journey to success and success 10X. Please subscribe to this podcast on iTunes and Google podcasts.

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I have small activity if you're listening, go in front of the mirror and smile continuously for a minute. This is a simple exercise that you can do to boost your positivity during the day.

I will leave you with this quote from Robert Henry: Cherish your own emotions and never undervalue them. cherish your own emotions and never undervalue that.

May you be well, may you be happy and may you find success. Thank you so much.

Avil Pinto 40:01

Amazing. Thank you